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A divorce, no matter how mutual the decision to separate was, can still leave partners and people around them scarred and broken.  Time and the support friends and family provide are often the best cures for the hurt caused by a divorce; however, when things just don’t seem right or healthy anymore, maybe it’s time to seek help from a professional.  Counseling or sessions with a specialist can help you analyze and get over your feelings about the divorce and other issues surrounding it.  Here are just a few things that a counselor can help you deal with.

Counselors can help deal with self-esteem issues.

A divorce can sometimes break a person, especially if there are issues regarding infidelity in the case of the partner.  One’s self-esteem can plummet, leading to neglect and depression.  Instead of getting up and moving on, one tends to ruminate and not go forward.  Some divorcees even turn to alcoholism or drugs to stem their depression.  However, help is always at hand when you seek intervention from a professional such as a therapist who can lend an ear and sound advice regarding your problems.  Getting those feelings off your chest can help you feel lighter and more able to get up and move ahead, and with the help of a counselor, you can definitely leave behind those worries caused by the divorce.

Counselors can help with the kids.

Nothing can be more scary for a child than the boogeyman manifesting itself in the separation of mom and dad.  Kids, especially the young ones, are equally confused and devastated with the divorce that some grow up with feelings of anger, hurt, fear, and insecurities.  Counseling can also help them understand that the divorce was not something that they caused or could repair.  If you need help to deal with a divorce and the changes it brings, your children, whatever their ages are, also need all the help and support that they can get to go through this with you.

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They say that when a girl gets a drastic haircut, she’s just experienced a life-changing situation or just had a really bad break-up.  A few years down the road, that girl is now a woman and she’s getting her hair dyed and cut in a more drastic fashion but for reasons greater than a break-up – a divorce.  Women embark on this trip to the salon in their quest to make their exes feel sorry for leaving behind someone as beautiful as them.  However, that reasoning does very little to how someone should move on after a divorce.  If you’re not keen on getting your locks chopped off to signal change, here are just a few ways in which you can help yourself take a step forward and never look back.

Change in attitude.

Often, many women have been bullied into silence or change by their marriages, discarding their own beliefs and personalities for many reasons.  Now that a split is inevitable, it’s time to break out of that hull and change your attitude.  Throw caution to the wind in situations that used to make you politely shake your head when you were married.  Be more outgoing, more receptive, or more vocal about your feelings.  Positive changes in your personality gets you friends and family who you can turn to in these trying times of your divorce.

Bungee jump.

Or, just do something extreme that you wouldn’t normally do if you were still someone else’s wife.  Get a thrill out of doing something that you’ve never done before to get that rush of energy in your system.  Though it can only give you a temporary high, the fact that you did something that you’ve never done before can also give you the courage to get through any trial, even painful ones such as a divorce.

Do a complete makeover.

Change your hair or get a new wardrobe.  Slim down or bulk up.  Rearrange the furniture or change the locks in your house.  Changing things in your environment and your physical being signify the changes in your life after the divorce.  There’s nothing wrong with getting a make-over after a split, but do it to make yourself feel hopeful for moving forward, instead of trying to win over someone from your past.

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When a divorce is granted, it doesn’t mean just the dissolution of marital ties with a partner, but also of the other aspects such as emotional, physical, and financial reliance on each other.  You may have reverted back to single status, but if you have kids, have been unemployed for some time, and have no credit to your name, it’s going to be a bit different than the first time you gained independence form your parents.  So what would your finances be after the divorce?  Here’s a short rundown of things you have to take care of to make sure you are financially stable.

Separating yours and your ex’s bills

Once the divorce is final, you have to have time to sit down and look at your finances.  You can start by poring through the bills that were jointly charged to you and your ex-spouse.  Utilities such as electricity, water, telephone, cable TV, car insurance, and even the mortgage on your house should be scrutinized to put what bills into someone’s name.

Finding ways to support yourself

A divorce or separation usually leaves one or both partners financially exhausted after the legal fees have been paid and alimonies have been settled.  For those who have been unemployed for some time during the marriage or who doesn’t have any substantial earnings, it may be hard to look for a sufficiently paying job to support one’s self and the children if he or
she has custody.  Establish a credit line so that banks and utility companies will have trust in you, but make sure you have enough resources in order to afford paying for the bills, as well as trying to live within your own means.

Discussing alimony and child support can help

Alimony is the amount to be paid to the other party if he or she has no means of financial support.  There are three kinds of alimony, one that is provided for the recipient for the rest of his or her life or until he or she remarries, one that covers only a specific time frame, and the last one is to help the recipient achieve financial stability until a certain time.  If child custody is awarded to the party receiving alimony, child support fees may also be added.  Child support is separate from alimony.

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People going through a divorce experience a tumult of emotions.  There is anger, hurt, hope, desperation, and a whole bunch of other feelings that may cloud the judgment of one or both when it comes to the status of a relationship or marriage.  However, one of those feelings is the sexual tension, that awkwardness that plays between mutual attraction to just plain lust, and these feelings can wreak havoc on divorce proceedings.  Before you find yourself rushing drunk, tear-stained, and then passion-driven into the arms and bed of your ex, here are a few reasons why avoiding sex with your ex is a wise move.

1.  You are no longer bound to your ex the same way he or she is bound to you. Once divorced, or while in the process of obtaining one, you no longer have to limit yourself to just sleeping or spending a night with your ex.  When you do sleep with your ex, feelings such as jealousy and ownership flare up again, leaving you confused and distraught.  If you or your ex are seeing others, this could also flare up more issues than you can handle.

2.  A divorce is meant to severe ties, even emotional and sexual ones.
A divorce is not just a simple separation of living space, or a change in name and civil status.  It is a separation that is grounded on differences that hamper a union.  Ideally, once couples are divorced, they part ways and start over after severing marital, sexual, and emotional ties with each other.  Sleeping with an ex may just be only for sex, but it sort of brings back other ties that should have been severed when the divorce was granted.

3.  Friendships are always complicated with sex. For those who want or need to maintain contact with their ex (for the sake of the children), friendship is the next inevitable thing.  However, that too can be complicated with sleeping with an ex especially if the children learn that the parents are “back together again.” It’s best to keep the relationship a platonic one in order to build up lives of your own.

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For some, getting a divorce is like starting all over again.  However, instead of just finding out how to pay for the bills, the question of who and what bills to pay and to not pay now crop up.  Legally, there are ways in which both parties can or should be compensated after the divorce based on grounds such as which party is employed, who will have custody of the kids, and if the other party has any means to recover financially.  Utilities and other bills that need to be paid should be put under scrutiny in order to know which partner will be responsible in paying for it.

Listing down the bills

It helps to make a list of all the bills for utilities that need to be paid.  Water, electricity, cable, telephone, and even the car insurance are just a few of the utilities that need to be taken care of.  During the negotiations for your alimony, you can ask your lawyer to present the list of utilities in order to argue for the amount that you should receive.  For those who were unemployed or relied on their partners financially during the marriage, a divorce means having to start over but not necessarily from scratch.  However, you should be quick to segregate the bills, especially the joint ones, so as to quickly determine whom the other half should be charged to.

Finding ways to support yourself

Though the alimony and child support can help you rebuild your life and provide for your children, you also have to be stringent with your expenses and find other ways of supporting yourself.  Be sure to change the owner’s name in the utilities so you have your affairs in order, but make sure that previous or outstanding debts are paid or cleared before you put it in your name.  Establish a credit of your own so you won’t have any trouble getting credit from suppliers such as the electric company or even the bank.  Finally, make sure to separate any joint accounts that you once had with your ex.  This ensures that you get entitled to what you deserve.

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When a married couple decides to call it quits, it’s not just a matter of reverting back to singlehood.  Years, memories, and properties that used to be shared will be subject to scrutiny and to settlement.  One of the properties that need to be settled during a divorce is the family home, that house or shelter where the kids grew up in, where memories were made, where money was poured into in its purchase and upkeep.  If there were no pre-nuptial agreements that delegate the properties that each party would receive in the event that they separate, the delegation of ownership and custody will need some serious discussion.  Just like how certain properties are divided, ownership of the house or how it will be handled should be part of the divorce proceedings.  The following are some of your options regarding the house after a divorce.

Leave it with the one with the kids.

One option is to leave the home to the parent who has custody of the children.  Also, if the mother has no other means to support herself, some courts may decide to award ownership of the home to her.  Some divorced couples may amicably agree to this arrangement, some even going so far as agreeing to pay the remaining mortgage fees.  However, who gets ownership of the home also gets any debt or unpaid mortgage fees from it.

Sell it to a different owner and then split the price.

However, for those who’d rather move on with their lives, selling the house is also a good option.  If neither one of the concerned parties can afford to pay for the mortgage fees and the upkeep of the home, then a good way to settle the ownership of the home is to just sell it and split the profits.  However, as to how much each party can get out of the house needs to be discussed thoroughly.

Buy out the other half’s share.

Some divorcees who want to have the rights to the home can offer to buy out their ex’s share.  The price is something that needs to be discussed thoroughly before settling for a deal.  Divorced couples may opt for out-of-court settlements for this matter or may settle with their lawyers present.

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Vincent Lombardi, one of the most successful football coaches in history, once said that the difference between a successful person and others is not the latter’s lack of strength or knowledge, but the lack of will to succeed.  Though success comes from a lot of hard work and patience, one can truly feel victorious after achieving what he or she has always been dreaming about.  The success mindset is just as important as having the skills and the smarts.  Here’s how thinking victory can have you reaching that goal in no time.

It drives you harder.

In a race when you see the ribbon just a few yards before you, you’ll push harder and faster just to make it to the end in first place.  The same can be applied in any goal that you want to achieve.  Knowing what is in store for you motivates you to go chase after that dream with more determination and persistence.  Obstacles and other hindrances can easily be maneuvered around when you’re hell-bent on achieving that goal.

It gives you belief in yourself.

A success mindset is like an affirmation that you whisper to yourself to give you the confidence to face your fears.  Envisioning yourself capable of doing tasks can actually empower you to succeed in whatever craft you get yourself into.  Boosting your self-esteem gives you the power to take charge of things and successfully handle situations.

It gives you direction.

You can easily wish for success in your career or whatever endeavor you wish to undertake.  However, to really get to your goal, you need to know which steps to take.  A success mindset helps you focus your determination to your goal and also on the ways and means in which you can achieve it.  Instead of just wishful thinking, having a success mindset makes you a more ruthless person in pursuit of success.  With this kind of thinking, you can focus on finding not just one route but also several ways and means to get to your goal.

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In this fast-paced world that we live in, it’s so easy to lose track of things and even of ourselves.  Breaks from work or school usually take care of things; however, after a few days back to a normal routine of juggling tasks, the stress and fatigue sets in again.  It’s not just us that suffer, but also those whom we may neglect because of the many responsibilities that we have.

The solution isn’t always giving up responsibilities and tasks altogether, but with coming to terms with yourself and what you can accomplish.  In order to proceed with your tasks, you must be in condition not only physically, but also emotionally.  Just like how it’s easier to work with a clean slate, you too should start a day or a task with a clear perspective that can only be achieved if you have inner peace.  Here are just a few helpful tips on how to calm your inner storms achieve that life balance.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Sometimes the need to accomplish all of the tasks perfectly and in the nick of time pushes people too much that when things don’t go their way, it’s always a disaster in their world.  However, it’s not always the end of times when something just doesn’t go as planned.  Being flexible about your expectations can help you accept whatever outcome turns up.  Though it’s always a good thing to aim for perfection in everything that you do, don’t let failures or slight deviations get to you.

Take a break.

No matter how busy it gets at work or whatever tasks that you have to do, you should always find time for a break or a short breather.  Eating a snack or getting up for a cup of coffee not only gives you that short break or rest, but it also helps recharge you.  Clear your head a bit with a short walk or just a few minutes of not staring into your computer.  Afterwards, you’ll feel refreshed, energized, and ready to take on your tasks for the day.

Don’t bring work home.

As much as possible, leave your worries for work at the office.  Your home is a place where you can relax, let go, and gather your bearings.  By having a clear border between your work life and home life, you’ll be more cautious on how one should not encroach on the other and achieve balance.

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A serene atmosphere doesn’t just mean de-cluttering the mess around you, but it also entails personal cleansing and purification.  When you dispose of useless clutter, you unconsciously create a sensation of lightness and freedom.  This brings you to a higher level of energy or spirituality which is very important for attaining peace in your life.

Cleaning and de-cluttering clear away blockage in our lives.  It draws in a continuous flow of fresh and positive energy to your aura, which can mean more peace, prosperity, harmony, and success to your life.  Below are tips on how to attract a more serene atmosphere in your life:

1.  De-clutter.  Clutter is negative and it drains your energy, diverts your focus, and limits your capabilities.  Remove items that are no longer useful.  Keep away still useful items for future use.  Do not just toss them in your closets or drawers; organize them and keep them neatly where they belong.

2.  Do a physical cleaning job.  Grab your vacuum cleaner and other cleaning materials and supplies and clean like you’ve never cleaned before.  You are not just doing a physical cleaning but you are also eliminating possible residues of negative energy.  These are intangible but you can still be affected by such residues in some level if you do not totally remove them.

3.  Feel your environment.  Do not just look around you.  Observe your surroundings.  You would notice that they look better, feel lighter, and calmer.  People around you are sure to feel the difference instantly.

4.  Do the smudging technique.  This is calling in the beneficial energy to your life using a bundle of dried sage leaves.  Light the sage stick’s end and blow out the flame so the leaves release a fragrant smoke.  Walk through the rooms and disperse the scented smoke to remove negative energy and instead invite a flow of fresh and beneficial energy.

5.  Light scented incense and candles in every room.  Popular scents include lavender, rosemary, lemongrass, sage, sandalwood, myrrh, frankincense, and rose.

6.  Meditate to call in positive energy.  Sit comfortably and perform deep-breathing exercises.  Imagine the white light zapping all the negativity and replacing it with harmony and serenity.

All these are sure to create an impressive change in the atmosphere at your home but doing it regularly is the best way of attaining a peaceful aura.

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To start achieving your goals is always the most difficult part of anything.  As science puts it, it takes more energy to start the ball rolling than to keep it rolling.  Crafting the plan to achieve your goals is easy, but actually doing it to gear you towards achieving your goal is the difficult part.  It takes courage to bat in the motivation-momentum lock strategy to do the trick.  Take your first step courageously, out of your comfort zone and move forward.  This is more tedious and you sometimes make mistakes, however hard you try to avoid them.  The rule of thumb is stay motivated and key in the perfect timing.

Why the first step is always so difficult

It is normal for people to give up during this most difficult period and tell themselves they will try to do it again some other time.  And there are even those people who feel helpless after getting frustrated and therefore, resign to a mediocre way of life, forgetting to believe in themselves.  When this happens to you, do a positive self-talk.

Really, these pessimisms are not necessary.  Failure doesn’t mean you have to stop.  It is only telling you to get up, move on, try again, and do more.  Find that perfect momentum.  Success becomes sweeter for those who gained the right momentum; when after failing, instead of quitting, they immediately get up, empower their previous struggles, push hard, and harder, and harder until it becomes easier and easier already.  That is momentum.  And momentum combined with a strong sense of motivation is the true key to success.  Through this, achieving your goals becomes fun.

Never quit

So, never be a quitter.  Get motivation and momentum working for you.  Persist to succeed and take bigger risks than you have in the past.  Don’t major in baby steps because they will delay you in achieving your goals in life.  Why fly like a barnyard hen when you can always soar like an eagle? Always be on a motivated mode.  Couple it with the perfect timing and voila! You have achieved your goal.

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